Welcome to my shiny new website, shiny new blog, and a not-so-shiny new… me.
The phrase “new year, new me” isn’t something I had been planning on adopting in 2019, but a certain series of events has more or less left me with no choice but to start from scratch and rebuild my life back up again.
If that sounds dramatic, it’s because it is. For me at least.
Within the past six days, I’ve had to say separate but equally painful goodbyes to two of my favorite people and best friends in the whole world. There’s no way to compare the two individuals or situations, other than the fact that they both left me with very large holes in my life that I have been scrambling to fill.
Prior to this, I was a stranger to loss. Now, I am becoming all too familiar with it and the intense emotions it evokes and causes its subjects to endure. Over and over and over again.
As it is now, my world is becoming increasingly difficult to navigate. It feels empty and broken, and I am unsure of how to move forward - But this is a step. A step that I’ve been meaning to take for quite some time, but haven’t had a fire lit under my ass to actually go do it until now. And let me tell you - this fire is a huge one. It scathes and burns deeper than I ever imagined it could, leaving me coughing into a pile of ash that I am now expected to make something out of. And though it isn’t much, you’re looking at the start of that something right now.
I’ve been wanting to turn my professional platforms into more personal spaces in which I feel free to openly discuss my personal struggles, motivations, thoughts, feelings, creations… Pretty much anything that plagues my all-too-active mind. So I’m doing it! But right now, that’s a lot of stuff. I’m still processing most of it, and at the moment need some time to pull my thoughts together in a way that can be considered to be productive rather than detrimental, to both myself and others. But rest assured - Sooner or later, the pieces will fall together for both of us.
You’ll be able to experience them through songs, blogs, poems, podcasts, poetry, photography, and so much more. I don’t plan on holding much back here - This has become a home for my world; a place to pick up all of my scattered pieces and put them back together again in whatever ways I know how. Lucky for me, I can get creative with it.
So, take this as your official introduction, as well as a warning - This is going to be one hell of a ride. And while I’m not sure that either of us are totally ready for it, it’s time to buckle up and do this thing as best we know how.
Let’s just roll with it, shall we?
x - Bella